Category: Uncategorized

Road Trip Days 17-19

My second day in Gainesville was a whirlwind of meeting various people for breakfast, lunch, coffee, dinner, or drinks. I did reconnect with several friends that I haven’t seen in a very long time: former Squeaky frontman Harry Monkhorst and his wife Kristin; my very good friend Holly Ray, who was my first roommate in New York; Gary Brummett, who played bass in my old band Eurotoaster and then disappeared off the face of the earth (apparently he was at Durty Nelly’s the whole time–who knew?); another former bandmate Merryl Malter; and the esteemed poet and cookbook mogul Ian Finn. There were a lot of other people on my agenda, but I pretty much made plans on a first-come first-served basis, and I just couldn’t meet up with everybody I wanted to see in one day.

The next day, I was due to  meet another old friend, Corey Thompson Kirkland, in beautiful historic Eufaula, AL. At this point, I had put nearly 3000 miles on my 1998 Volvo station wagon since leaving New York on Dec. 1. And the whole time, I’d been hearing a little rumble from the driver’s side front wheel that I didn’t much like, and I planned to have someone look at it when I was going to be in one place more than two days. But as fate would have it, not long before I pulled into Eufala, the noise got worse–much worse. I called Corey just as I was crossing over the state line from Georgia and said, “Okay I’m driving over Lake Eufaula now. But something is seriously wrong with my car. Is there a mechanic in the metropolitan Eufaula area that you can recommend?”

She directed me to Jac’s, where a very nice mechanic named Keith quickly ascertained that I had a bad wheel bearing and that if I’d driving on it much farther, my wheel would likely have flown off the car. So my timing, as usual, was impeccable. I left the car with Keith overnight, and Corey came to pick me up.

Now I should say that Corey is essentially the queen of Eufaula and knows EVERYBODY, and we got royal treatment everywhere we went. The highlight of the evening, though, was karaoke at a dive bar everyone calls “the airport” because the city air field is literally right behind the bar. This is one of those places where, as the saying goes, they like both kinds of music–Country and Western. Here is a transcript of what ensued when I took the stage for my first song.

Host: Next up we have a city slicker from New York City.

Me: Well, I LIVE in New York City, but I’m not FROM there.

Audience member: You talk like you’re from there.

Despite that awkward beginning, my rendition of “King of the Road” was well received.

Next morning, I picked up my car, which was now running much better, and returned to Birmingham. On the way, I called my friend Warren to firm up plans for the evening. Warren and his wife Tia are friends of mine from New York who just moved down here, and I had promised to take Warren out on the town when I got back.  I picked him up at eight and took him to Marty’s to hear some bluegrass music. Then we met up with my friend Adam Guthrie at Metro Bistro where we heard an acoustic duo play a few songs. And then the three of us went to Bottle Tree to hear some rock and roll bands. So we pretty much ran the gamut of the Birmingham music scene in one night, and a lot of it is kind of a blur. But Warren seemed to have a good time.

Road Trip Day 16

I got to Gainesville, FL in the early afternoon. I lived here from 1994-2001, and I played in a few bands. By the time I left I was feeling a little like a rock star, or at least a big fish in a small pond. And I was thrilled and flattered to find that the town has not forgotten me. This was the first thing I saw when I started walking around.

But more on the Common Grounds show later. First stop was my book signing at Goering’s Book Store.

After the sort of disappointing experience in Dothan, I really didn’t know what to expect. But I was really pleased with the turnout, and the bookstore was happy with it as well. I reunited with several old friends and made a few new ones.

That theme continued at Common Grounds. I was really just overwhelmed with the love. And I was so busy chatting with everybody, I forgot to take any pictures. I’m sure some will show up on Facebook soon enough.

Frog started things off by showing some videos from his trip to New York a couple of months ago. And then the brilliant Tom Miller read some of his famous poems, including possibly the best poem ever written by anyone, “Flea in My Urethra.” This was followed by a rousing set of country dance tunes by Gainesville legend Rob McGregor (and friends). I was seriously honored to have all these talented folks perform at my party.

Finally I took the stage, and things started off well enough until I started taking requests, and then I had trouble remembering some lyrics in a song or two and the chords in another song or two, but it was all in good fun. I’m still reeling a bit from it all.

Road Trip Days 8-10

Oxford, MS is Mecca, as far as I’m concerned, and it’s been far too long since my last pilgrimage there. Naturally, my first stop was Square Books, where, I’m quite thrilled to announce, my book is now on the shelf. It was a shitty rainy day, though, so I hunkered down at High Point Coffee to take advantage of the wi-fi and get a little work done.

Eventually, I satisfied my obligation to “the man” and spent the next 2.5 days hanging out and catching up with old friends Melanie Thomas Dobbs and Parrish Baker. On the second night, I played a couple of sets at Parrish’s bar, during which Parrish challenged me to play songs that he expected I hadn’t played since high school. Needless to say, perhaps, I met and exceeded this challenge.

And of course, I paid my respects to Mr. Faulkner at Rowan Oak. Because if Oxford is my Mecca, Rowan Oak is my Ka’bah.

To top it off, I had what I can only describe as a mighty fine plate of catfish, friend okra, and cheese grits at Ajax Diner.

Next stop, Birmingham, AL where I’ll crash with my parents for a few days.

Road Trip Day 7

This was my day in Memphis. And no, I didn’t visit Sun Studios or Graceland while I was there. But I did visit with three old friends, none of whom I’d seen in about fifteen years. Two were friends from high school, Sydnie Simms and Kathy Babilon. The third was Don Thomas, who was the drummer in my band Crazy Treehead when I was in college at UAB.

We all met up at Young Ave Deli and then later moved along to Boscos. Both were excellent places to hang out and catch up, and many beverages and fried food delights were consumed.

I crashed at Don’s house. Here’s Don. There are drums in pretty much every room of the house.

Don is a bit of hesitant to catch up to the times. Not only does he only have dial-up internet at his house. He also has a rotary telephone. His house is filled with other beatiful antiques also. Here are some pictures of those.

Don also collects and refurbishes antique cars. There are five at his house, including two ’64 Dodge Darts.

I slept well, and after Don made some pancakes, we rocked out in his basement for a little bit before I hit the road for Oxford, MS. More on that later…

Roadtrip Days 5-6

On the plane into Richmond, I sat next to a very nice lady who kindly chatted with me throughout the flight about the stories in the Reader’s Digest that she had with her and even quizzed me on the vocabulary in the “WordPower” section. She was a hoot, and she promised to pick up a copy of my book when she got to Charlottesville.

After landing, it was back to the highways to see my old bandmate Angela DiPaolo in Wake Forest, NC. Another old music friend, Crystal Dawn, is also living there. The three of us joined up with Angela’s friend Will to play some music at Gigi’s House Bistro. We played for about three hours, all sitting in on each others’ sets, whether we knew the songs or not. It was really almost too much fun. I crashed at Angela’s. By the time I remembered to take my camera out, everyone was in pajamas and refused to have their picture taken. So here is a picture of Angela’s cat, Lyric.

In the morning, Crystal (who also stayed over, as did her dog Lucy) made bacon, eggs, and biscuits. Then I shot some hoops with Angela’s three boys. Again, almost too much fun–especially since the goal was set low enough for me to dunk.

Finally, I had to hit the road again. I had about a 7.5 hour drive to Murfreesboro, TN to visit college friends Holly and Brian. I passed this Adam&Eve outlet store along the way, and if you know what Adam&Eve sells, you know why I think this is hilarious. Yes, those are lingerie mannequins in the window.

I got to Murfreesboro just in time for dinner. Brian made some really awesome Italian wedding soup and sweet tea (of course), which I consumed in copious amounts. Tomorrow is Memphis.

Roadtrip Days 2-4

On Day 2, I headed off to Charlottesville to meet up with Mark Rock, aka Peter Markush. I stopped in the exurbs between Baltimore and DC for the first of what will probably be many Chick-fil-a sandwiches consumed on this trip. I also took the first picture with my new camera. As you can see, I was not able to refrain from consuming the sandwich before taking a picture of it.

I found my way to Random Row Books, where I was set to perform with Mark Rock and a very good guitar/cello duo called Barling and Collins. It was cold and rainy out,  so the event was sparsely attended. Barling, Collins, and we all sat in with Mark Rock, and during my set, Mark Rock accompanied me on piano as I read “The Boy Who Cried Wolves” (which, incidentally, was recently nominated for a Pushcart Prize).

That afternoon, I got bad news about Poly, so I decided to drive to Richmond early in the morning and catch a flight back to NYC. By the evening of Day 3, however, we got good news from Poly’s biopsy. The tumor doesn’t appear to be malignant, so the immediate threat is not as serious as we feared. She will probably be okay.

Day 4, I shared some bacon and eggs with Poly, did some dayjob work, ran some errands, and watched TV. That night I attended Jonathan Letham’s reading in at Book Court in Brooklyn. It was pretty good, but not as good as the Big Buford sandwich I had at Checkers on the way there. After the reading, I packed my things to prepare for an early flight back to Virginia to pick up where I left off.

Holiday Project Update 2

Since I started the project, my friend list has gone up modestly from 626 to 632–still well within the scope of possibility. I believe I’ve sent messages to about 360 people, and many, many of them have written back. Some people have asked me what interesting things I’ve learned about my “friends” from this, and although people have told me some fun facts about themselves and some wacky anecdotes, the real value is not something reportable; it’s the connection itself. It isn’t about what I’ve learned so much as it’s about what I’ve felt, and it varies from person to person because each contact is different and has its own flavor.

The Internet makes some people extra protective of their personal boundaries, just as it reduces boundaries for others. Some people reply but with a tone that essentially says, “Thanks for sharing, but I know you about as well as I want to already” and that’s fine. Others have been very open, and we’ve talked about life and love and things that matter to us. This has been especially wonderful with people with whom I was once close but haven’t seen in a very long time.

So I’m not going to fill this blog with lists of “cool” things that I’ve learned about people, though when it’s all done, I may have some things I’ve learned about myself.

Thousand Mile Journey

In the past 60 days I have:

  • Ended my primary 8-year relationship as well as a secondary romantic relationship that had been going on for a year
  • Been burglarized
  • Been in a fire
  • Started drinking again after almost six years sober
  • Published a book (at least that’s one good thing)

As a result of all this, I’ve started questioning a lot about myself that I have previously taken for granted. I feel like there is a huge void in my life, something essential that is missing, and I really don’t have much of an idea what it. To facilitate the search, I’m going to do some travelling in December and visit people I know in various cities. This is also going to double as a book tour and solo music tour.

The Relationships

My eight-year relationship had some problems for a while that I was unwilling to deal with directly. Most of these had either to do with the way we communicated or were problems internal to myself. Very little could be blamed on her. Basically, I was unhappy and filled with an unfocused anxiety. I began another relationship late last year that was long-distance and more emotional than physical, though we were able to see each other three or four times over the course of that year. It was out in the open, as far as my primary relationship was concerned, but aspects of it were not always as out in the open as they should have been.

Even though I had some previous experience with polyamory, and I’ve read all the major books on the subject, I still made mistakes. I’m no superman afterall. I ended the secondary relationship, feeling that I had neglected the primary too much and needed to focus on that for a while. Ultimately, I felt like I had done too much damage and, though communication was better, my own problems with the relationship just didn’t seem resolvable, so I broke that off too.

The Burglary

In September, I moved into a one-room “apartment” in Kensington, Brooklyn. There was no kitchen, and the electricity was spotty, but it was a place to shower and lay my head. Within three weeks, it was burglarized. My laptop and desktop computers were both stolen. They didn’t take my guitars or anything else of value. Thankfully, all my actual data was backed up on an external hard drive. It could have been worse, but it shook me up quite a bit.

The Fire

At the beginning of October, I rented a room on the Upper West Side from a pothead opera singer. He was nice enough and left me alone. When I was there, I was usually in my room with the door closed, working or sleeping. I stayed home from my day-job one Monday because I had a cold–this was a little more than two weeks after I moved in. I had taken some Nyquil and was sleeping soundly when suddenly I became aware that I was surrounded by smoke. Over the previous weekend, I had bought an electric blanket (the room had no heater and was excessively cold on cold days), so I thought that was the culprit and quickly pulled out everything that was plugged into the wall, but the smoke seemed to just be rising up out of the floor. I opened a window (after a few moments of struggle to find the latch), and I saw flames shooting out of the window directly below me on the third floor.

I left my room and found that there was still smoke everywhere. I didn’t notice until later that there was no smoke alarm going off. I don’t believe there was one in the apartment. When I opened the front door, I ran into a crew of firemen in gas masks who were seconds away from breaking in with an axe. They asked if I was okay, and I said that I thought I was, making my way through the smoke to the stairway. As I approached the third floor where the fire was, the smoke got much thicker, and I couldn’t breathe. For a short while, I wasn’t sure if I was going to make it, but once I got to the lobby, I was okay again.

An hour or so later when the fire was out, the firemen let me go back upstairs to put some clothes on–I had just been wearing a t-shirt, sweat pants, and socks, and it was cold out. Plus I had walked through firehose water somewhere along the way, and my socks were soaking wet. I got dressed, grabbed my essential belongings, and ran back to my old girlfriend’s place, where I’ve been staying ever since. It’s been fine, and it’s been a comfort for both of us to have each other around. At the moment, I plan to stay there until I leave on my trip.

The whole experience of the fire really intensified the feelings that I wasn’t going to find happiness on my current path. Something had to change, and I had to get out of New York, at least for a short while, to get some perspective on things.

The Drinking

This started a couple of days before the fire. I only had one. I had one more a couple of nights later. And since then, I’ve had one or two every few days. It hasn’t been a problem, and I don’t feel obsessed about it, and I feel like I do have another recovery in me if it turns out that I need one. As one of my (two!) therapists pointed out, the timing is “interesting.” It has a lot to do with the general questioning of everything that I’ve been doing lately. Other than some anxiety I had about telling people in AA, not to mention other friends who knew I was sober and might be concerned, I haven’t had a lot of feelings about it. Maybe it’s just because I have a lot of other things going on.

The Book

I am quite proud of the book, and the fact that I have it has given me more of a reason to reach out to people.  It includes my novella and several short stories that have all been published previously in other forms. I’m very excited to have all this material packaged in a collection, and the book itself is beautiful too (thanks M!)

The Trip

I plan to leave on the first of December and visit people in Philadelphia, Virginia, North Carolina, Kentucky, and Mississippi before landing in Birmingham where I will spend osme quality time with my family and other friends. From there, I will likely take some side trips to Atlanta, Dothan, and Gainesville. So far, I’ve got at least a couple of planned music gigs, and I’m hoping to arrange some readings also. At the very least, I will try to push the book and maybe read a story at the music gigs.